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The Biggest Divorce Mistakes Men Make—and How to Avoid Them

Writer's picture: John NachlingerJohn Nachlinger
Don't make these mistakes.
Don't make these mistakes.

Divorce is one of the most stressful and life-altering events a man can experience. It’s emotional. It’s overwhelming. And, unfortunately, it’s full of traps that can derail your future if you’re not prepared.


After helping more than 1,200 men navigate divorce successfully over the past 20 years, I’ve seen the same mistakes made over and over again. These mistakes don’t just cost men financially—they can cost them their relationship with their kids, their emotional well-being, and their ability to move forward confidently.


The good news? These mistakes are 100% avoidable. In this blog, I’ll walk you through the biggest divorce mistakes men make and show you exactly how to avoid them so you can take control of your future.


Mistake #1: Not Having a Plan

One of the most common mistakes men make during divorce is failing to prepare. Divorce isn’t something you can “wing” or handle on the fly. It’s a legal and financial process that requires strategy.

When you don’t have a plan, you’re likely to:

  • Make emotional, impulsive decisions that you’ll regret later.

  • Be caught off guard by your spouse’s attorney.

  • Lose valuable assets or custody agreements simply because you didn’t know what to expect.


How to Avoid This Mistake: Start by creating a clear, strategic roadmap for your divorce. This includes:

  1. Gathering all financial documents (e.g., tax returns, bank statements, retirement accounts, property valuations).

  2. Listing your priorities—what’s most important to you? Is it keeping the house? Your time with your children? Financial security?

  3. Identifying potential risks and preparing for them. For example, if your spouse is the primary earner, how will you ensure you’re financially stable during and after the divorce?


If you’re unsure where to start, consult with a professional who can guide you through the process. A well-thought-out plan puts you in control and reduces the chances of being blindsided.


Mistake #2: Listening to the Wrong People

Divorce is a time when everyone seems to have an opinion. Your buddy who went through a messy divorce last year? He’s probably dying to give you advice. Your family? They might mean well, but they’re not experts in divorce law.


The problem with listening to the wrong people is that it often leads to bad decisions.

  • Your friend’s situation may be completely different from yours. What worked for him might not work for you.

  • Family members can be overly emotional and biased, which can cloud your judgment.

  • Non-experts don’t know the nuances of the law or how to negotiate effectively.


How to Avoid This Mistake: Surround yourself with the right team of professionals. At a minimum, you’ll need:

  • A Divorce Attorney: Someone experienced in family law who can guide you through the legal process.

  • A Divorce Strategist: This is someone like me who helps you create a strategic plan to protect your interests.

  • A Financial Planner: Divorce often involves splitting assets, and you’ll need an expert to help you understand the financial implications.


While friends and family can offer emotional support, leave the legal and financial advice to the professionals.


Mistake #3: Letting Emotions Drive Decisions

Divorce is an emotional rollercoaster. You might feel angry, betrayed, or scared—and those emotions are completely valid. The problem arises when you let those emotions dictate your decisions.


Common emotional mistakes include:

  • Fighting over something out of spite (like keeping the house even if it’s not financially viable).

  • Agreeing to unfavorable terms just to “get it over with.”

  • Making public statements or posting on social media out of anger, which can later be used against you in court.


How to Avoid This Mistake: Take a step back and focus on the bigger picture. Ask yourself:

  • “How will this decision impact my future five years from now?”

  • “Am I making this choice because it’s logical or because I’m emotional?”

  • “Is this worth fighting for, or can I compromise to move forward faster?”

Having a trusted advisor or strategist in your corner can help you stay focused on your long-term goals instead of getting caught up in the heat of the moment.


Mistake #4: Neglecting Your Own Well-Being

Divorce can consume every aspect of your life if you let it. Between legal battles, financial concerns, and emotional stress, it’s easy to forget to take care of yourself. But neglecting your well-being can have serious consequences, both during and after the divorce.


Common ways men neglect themselves during divorce include:

  • Ignoring physical health (e.g., skipping meals, lack of exercise, poor sleep).

  • Bottling up emotions instead of seeking support.

  • Losing touch with friends or withdrawing from social connections.


How to Avoid This Mistake: Make self-care a priority during your divorce. This isn’t selfish—it’s essential. Here’s how:

  1. Physical Health: Stick to a routine. Eat healthy, exercise regularly, and make sleep a priority.

  2. Emotional Health: Don’t bottle up your feelings. Talk to a therapist or counselor who can help you process your emotions in a healthy way.

  3. Social Connections: Stay connected with friends and family. A strong support system can help you get through tough times.


When you take care of yourself, you’re better equipped to handle the challenges of divorce and make sound decisions.


Mistake #5: Not Thinking Long-Term

It’s easy to focus on the here and now during a divorce. You’re worried about getting through the next court date, the next conversation with your spouse, or the next financial hurdle. But failing to think long-term can leave you in a difficult position down the road.


For example:

  • Settling for a lump-sum payment instead of securing long-term financial support.

  • Agreeing to a custody arrangement without considering how it will impact your relationship with your kids over time.

  • Underestimating post-divorce living expenses and running into financial trouble later.


How to Avoid This Mistake: Every decision you make during your divorce should align with your long-term goals.


  • Financially: Work with a financial planner to ensure your settlement supports your future needs.

  • Parenting: Consider how custody arrangements affect your relationship with your children as they grow.

  • Emotionally: Focus on creating a life that brings you happiness and fulfillment after the divorce is final.

Remember, divorce is a temporary process, but your decisions will shape your future for years to come.


Take Control of Your Divorce Today


The key to avoiding these mistakes is simple: take control of your divorce instead of letting the process control you.


By creating a solid plan, surrounding yourself with the right professionals, and staying focused on your long-term goals, you can navigate divorce successfully and come out stronger on the other side.


If you’re ready to take the first step, we're here to help. Click here to book your free consultation now: https://calendly.com/thedivorceshield/30min


Divorce doesn’t have to mean chaos. With the right strategy, you can protect your future and build the life you deserve.

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